Saturday, September 22, 2012

Proof through ignorance

I am comforted in the fact that I know not everything and satisfied the Creator Of All holds all beings

I know not what I do so I call forth the power of the one who transcends knowledge, life and time

I have no shame in believing that one above me in divinity is more than my equal but something in spirit that is indescribable

I have not the words to tell you of my ignorance for it is the same lack of knowledge that allows me to turn to the most high

If my doubt in nothingness clearly makes me insane then my faith in faith accurately makes me balanced and whole

What word, what words what non-tempered words, what unfounded wisdom and ill-gotten verbs


Where is fancy bread in the heart or in the head or
is that line from somewhere I once read

Can I not use my own power to seek my own destiny
Is it not within my "analytical" right to to believe in
a higher being

Must I conform to what standards call correct
Do you mock the the being which no one has met

Hold, hold... I calm myself now
I have no clue why my emotions climbed and wound down

Maybe it has something to do with something I don't know
So I must call on the Creator to help me grow

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

More than words on a page: Not only my story to tell

What do I do? Here I am back in a situation I told myself I would never be in again. Mark has again left to pursue whatever sin he feels and I have spent every dime I had which I take was the plan.

Why does he take pleasure in seeing me suffer from throwing up to being turned upside down.

Stop the pity or at least no time for pity. 

Cheshire Bridge is not for the faint at heart. It is also not for the unclean, not washed and very hot.

I guess I will walk toward the direction away from the hotel though I have no where to go, no way of getting there and tired as hell. Complaining is not going to help my situation and sulking is not going to improve my chances of getting home.

HEY!!

What direction is that voice coming from or am I crazy as everyone believes me to be. I was crazy to think that I would have a fun time here because nobody wants to leave me to my own devices and vices.

"What are you up to Grant?" Brighton said

I almost knocked Brighton down when I hugged him. I was so glad to see him. Out of all the people that would help me I know that he would but hell I should have known better than that. In this hard knock situation everyone has a story and it's every man for themselves. Right now, from the looks of it, he has his own hell to deal with.

"I am just being stuck as hell and wanting to go home but damn if I need a shower." I said "Can you help me out?"

"I would love to but my friend said she just got raped." He said

I did not know what to say. He was very nonchalant when he said it. I looked to the side past Brighton and saw the policewomen take this lady by the hand or at least I think she is a woman. She might be a transgender. In this scene, in this world it is hard to tell. In this place of trying to survive the best way you know how and doing what you have to,  you don't have time to judge.

People are people and for a moment my problems seemed so small. I forgot I was stuck in a place where everyone hates me. I forgot that my so-called love left me to die on the street. I forgot my pain when I saw this person who had been violated move up the ramp from the established whore house with the law by her side.

I followed Brighton back down the ramp hoping to get a glimpse of despair this woman must be feeling. I did not relish in the fact she was in pain because I can see the tears in her eyes. I don't know why I was looking so hard to the right. Maybe I wanted to see her story through the misery that she felt. To know that she is forever a part of my story and I am part of this nameless woman who feels nothing but pain.

I want so much to help her but I was not in a position to help myself. I almost wept for her but in the back of my mind, the thing I am really thinking is that the decisions we make are all equated to feel the result. You reap what you sow. I am not saying she deserves what happened to her but something tells me; just like I made the decision to be trapped distant from safety, this same woman made a choice that now I hope she can live with.






Friday, September 14, 2012

Envoy of Gods

My woozy head and eyes of mountain 'peeks' are overcome with wisdom words of Gods that speak

And all I am is messenger to thee for the divine link between I and the Gods that are we

And though it is not understood in the terms that I shriek that heavy voices of maelstrom weather is more than a voyager seeks

I find that words are clumsy, cumbersome and failing; I find that action are accurate driven and smooth seas sailing

I stumble over the moon to see the life next doom only to tell you to wait because the end maybe coming soon

No my love-struck one you are not in the field of daydreams but in the perpetual night of visions that all Gods see

I took apart the universe and sky to hurry my journey
to where Oberon flies

and Queen Mauve and Merlin and all points between
to where the heavens are set fire and the angel sway to
aura's gleam

I move so so quickly that time is nothing to me
I wish I can slow to see the sun's flowing stream

But whether my feet is made swift on a driving gale
The gates of Gods ends my trail

So look upon me one last time to see my message
written in the net's sky