Click the X

Now I am  not one to sit and wait for people to come and give me hate

I shrug it off and allow jealousy to be because the message I give is more powerful than me

I bring the message of unity and hope which gives new reason for the oppressed to cope

The gay community my family my dream also the one trying to kill my self-esteem

It seems a division is always in place and everybody's in competition like some sort of race



And nice guys finish last and cheater sometimes win
but was the victory worth your soul costing sin

And was it worth the hole you put the community in
just to try and hate on a friend

Whether or not you believe this mentality
that we are stronger a unit being a content family

It may be hard to see me as a brother
if you can't feel the energy in blood of one another

But whether you believe we are as one
is proven in the the issues passed from father to son

You hate on me and I take that hate
I push it into the atmosphere
Praying for it to obliterate

But if comes back to Earth
I will be ready
To take that hate and stir my course steady

So whatever you believe
that made you hate me
I will gladly take to set you free

More than words on a page: Danger by the roadside II

I have to wait a moment. I have to make sure that thug did not see me. No telling what he was throwing in that dumpster but whatever it is or whoever it was; is irrelevant at this point. He just seemed very angry when he stomped away. That is rage I can't afford to deal with.

Looking to my right and my left I see no one. I am crouching so low to the ground I could swear I am under the belly of the beast. I am definitely sweating like some sort of animal.

I am constantly looking back and forth, back and forth hoping that no trouble will come my way when I make my move. I am steady looking for that same Acura. The one that thug was driving when he said he was going to kill me. If I stay in this corner any longer I am going to be spotted. Now is the time to make my move.

I climbed out of my refuge and scurried low to the edge of the parking lot. I went behind the dumpster and there is apart of me that wants to look inside to see what that punk threw in the garbage but I have no time to waste.

I crouched down behind the dumpster still keeping a watchful eye in all directions for anything that comes. It will only take a short moment to catch my breath. Before I knew it, I dashed to the edge of hill and jumped down the side. The rocks slowed my slide down the slope. It will only take another moment to  pass until I make my way up the small hill to the actual tracks. Good, nobody sees me.

I climbed over the tracks to the other side of the hill which is steep as fuck. I don't know how I am going to make it down such an embankment. I have to sit and catch my breath again.

Ouch...What the hell is that

Stickers and thorns all over the hill.They cover the whole hill all the way down. How in the fuck am I going to make my way through this thorny brush with no shirt on and shorts. I found the strongest stick I could wield to help me guide my way down.  I sat low to the ground and use my huge feet to pat the thorn bushes down in front of me to make a path.

What was that...I hear voices

No time to think about it. I just got to do it and hope for the best. I took it few feet at a time. I stomped my feet to smash down the thorns and used the stick to guide my steps down. I counted the seconds as I went down the hill hoping that I am far enough into the bush that nobody sees me. Further and further into the thick thorny bush I descended. Even with all my precaution and efforts I am still getting cut over and over on my arms and legs.

There is a point where the hill is too steep. I can't make it without standing up but that means someone might see me from the parking-lot of this complex I am trying to get to. I have to chance it. I am almost to the bottom of the hill. I can jump down and lay low for a moment. I then can climb over the wall and cross the parking-lot to the street. It is getting dark so I don't think someone would put that much effort into noticing me.

I went as far as I could down.

Here I go. 1, 2, 3 Jump

I can't believe I made it with both feet planting the dismount. I fucking could have broke my leg from that height, scared as I fucking am.

Calm yourself and duck down. Stop being a damn target

I crouched low to the wall and caught my breath again. I am ready to move. All I have to do is cross this fucking parking-lot and I am home free. I peeked over the wall just to see if anyone is in vicinity. I don't see anyone so I am going for it.

I jumped over like a jack rabbit and I hurried to the middle building in the lot. I am sure I look suspect as hell with no shirt on coming from fucking nowhere like a some sort of magician. What would I say if security stops me. Hell, what the fuck will I tell police if they see me with no shirt on. How will I get back home I have no money. This is too much even for me to deal with and all the while I am sure Kent and Mark is enjoying the show.

The pain of James

A letter is far from the correct venue to express the pain and hurt to cause a relationship to discontinue

A feeling I will never truly understand because I have the support of my family to help make me a man

But to see everyday the sight of a letter to stay away is not only unrest but puts my salvation to a test

Father I beg you to reconsider I will say this for James because father you are too hateful and bitter

And James is just a boy a child you raised so that he would know love's joy




But scarred and scared the man that is devastated for being his own man

Punished by you, berated by you, scolded by you.... alone by you

What you considered through is not a passing moment
The relationship you want over
Is no path towards atonement

And a deathbed empty is better than being absent
And a father loves ready is more than transient

So if how you feel is five years real
Then make year six a year of faith appeals

Because.. if the God you speak of is so righteous
He will not allow you treat James so vicious

And I pray that new roots come from a tree
Deep in the heart of an unconditional gay family .

Jane Doe, I know

Jane Doe, I know that you are not some expendable hoe
found lying dead in the gutter
You are person once living that someone knew better

Jane Doe, I know that someone horribly took your life
and now your pain is something we must transcend

Jane Doe, I know that these sketches and pictures don't do you justice but until we find who you belong too allow us this one indulgence

Jane Doe, I know that you are not at peace,
How can you rest when the one who took your life is still amiss

Jane Doe, I know that you are sad
Mad... you can't be blamed
Right now death cannot hide your pain

Jane Doe, I know I am confused at this time
Don't know where to begin
Please give me a sign

Jane Doe, I know there is no time to waste
But your family has not said anything
You have to keep the faith

Jane Doe, I know that words are little next to much
But my heart is breaking
Something you have surely touched

So Jane Doe, know that we will do our best
To find what happened
To put your soul to rest

Love transaction

As I sit here sifting through the memories in my mind
Hoping that the love I had was something worth to find

Knowing its value was unconditional to me
Realizing the product's condition is worse than it could be

Seeing with blinders what was real
That I paid for something that someone would steal

Telling myself why waist my time
When I look at a person
I should have never towed a line



A transaction done not worth the effort
A gift is given
You don't pay for a present

I knew a long time ago what to expect
I guess that is why they call a fool a person who regrets

A lie is worth a million dollars
The is true is worth a million hollers
And a debt is something you can't pay
When you been bled by love's expensive stay

I've been told love comes at a price
It can steal your soul like a thief in the night

And all the shit about love that fits
I believe it to be true if one can admit

Where pain is the real price for love
A transaction not always from heaven above

What is the harm my love

Enclosed in the pure sight of two that need no clothes is the vision of someone that brings ease to the eyes of night

I summoned him like a evil Jin from the lamp of Aladdin with the hope that he would grant me a wish

One wish of true love that is beautiful meaning boundless as the nebula moves from end of the universe to the other,

As Apollo moves the sun from east to west
and back again so did I ask such a divine request

What is the harm in wanting the love that finally found you

What is the harm in wanting that love to finally be true

What is the harm in being whatever you can so
that the love will not harm you in destiny's plan

I see no reason for love to treat me in any other way 
but only something divine can stop one of its own

Only a dream can stop a dream and only wish
can alter a wish

Only anger can stop love and only truth can
cease all

So I ask my Jin one last time to not harm the
one that wanted to see him happy and free
and to grant the wish he promised to me

More than words on a page :Truth of perception

My  fear is something that I did not want to admit too because for once in my so-called unique life I wanted to believe in new beginnings and possibilities. I wanted to believe in the person that I met four years ago and wanted to believe that Mark wanted the same thing that I wanted from the same honest altruistic point.

What a fucking surprise that my silver lining and grey clouds were created and adorned from the same yearning and wanting to be with him. The conflicts that we endured now seem comical as I look at him sleeping next to me but in no way are they irrelevant and in no way can anyone understand the person he is.

There are doubts within me about the person that he says he is but the only question I can relay to anyone asking about Mark is; Do you really know him?  I know the person that fed me when I had nothing to eat and put a roof over my head when I could not help financially. I know the person that bought my shoes when I wore a hole to soles of my feet. I am not blinded by lust or maneuvered  by caution to protect the person that he is..  I am overshadowed in lies and confusion.

I know the Mark that rescued eight people  As much as I felt hurt and taken for a fool and played for a sucker don't anyone ever think that the experiences that I went through with this man was  not needed, enlightening and life-changing.

I was not even sure I wanted to see him again because of the fear of conflict inside of my spirit that I did not want to admit too.  I have felt all capabilities of what this man is and through him I finally reached a point of being more real and myself than I have ever been.