THANK YOU

 Before my hands start the ardent task of writing this short story for all to enjoy I wanted to say thank you to the ones that critiqued my work earlier.  Writing these reality novels is such an undertaking and arduous task.  You have no clue what it takes to convey what is around one’s self without the so called blustering, learned formats and conditions. To let the mind flow free to unconditionally express the truth is the greatest gift one can give to the world. As a man I am nothing but as an ideal or a philosophy I become a God. 

         Now that introductions are out of the way I thought I’d use this moment for all of us to learn if you don’t mind. You see I have a writing style misunderstood and you are the so called experts in your field.  I thought I would ask for your help.   I thought maybe I can express reality using your topic and my structure of conveyance.  The reason I do it in this manner is to show you that even the most simple and basic of unconditional writing can be the most powerful weapon you’ve ever known. Also you just happened to choose a subject I am most familiar with. What a goose. So let’s gets started I only have, at this point exactly, seven-hundred and sixty-two words left.

          Psychopathy is the subject of our challenge this time around and you wish us to look at these pictures to write fiction about something most people have no personal experience about.  I can see the rational logic in that.  You want so called normal people to step in the shoes of a psychopath or if possible see through the eyes of a betrayed mind. 

          The only problem with that request is that I don’t feel betrayed.  I feel free. I believe it is your mind that is limited and small.  All you see is your teachings and lessons.  You can’t see the real life in a great piece of literature.  Please don’t take that personally it just an observation.  How about I make you a deal?  I will do my best to fulfill your request and you remember that this time I separated my paragraphs.

          If you were in the room with me right now you would see me smirking and giggling.  In fact the reality is if you were in my room with me right now I would have already observed you inside and out. I would analyze and remember every piece of clothing, every micro-expression, every strand of hair even how you clear your throat and glance to the right to make sure you were close enough to the door just in case you needed to leave suddenly.  Funny how people make wishes and when their wish is granted they are not happy with the outcome.  It reminds me of an evil Jin.  Your wish was granted but it came at a price.

          Four-hundred and ninety-three words to go I better get to the point. Try and let your limited perception see me in a totally dark room twelve feet by twelve feet.  Yes it has to be a square.  I can’t stand rectangles.  They’re not even. I am circling around a chair around and around.  There in that chair is Michael.  A sigh comes over me “Michael can you hear me baby.  You know I love you.”  Did I mention that his name is not Michael?  To you he is just a faceless shape that you are trying to recognize in the blackness but to me he is my love, my angel and my beast.

          I remember it like it was yesterday.  I feel so deep in love.  I needed him to protect me, to guide me, to show me things that no one ever wanted to.  He accepted me as I am.  He wanted to share my twelve by twelve universe and saw the same vision I did. I did everything he wanted me to.  The word “no” did not come out of my mouth when he requested an answer. In my world I felt he was perfect.

          Of course there is no such thing as perfect.  I am sure that even with your limited mind you can understand perfect is a true delusion.  So I traded one fantasy for another.  I tried to become his perfect illusion.  In the end when I needed him the most he allowed me to be raped by I believe twenty nameless faces while in the dark, tied up, screaming for his name to come rescue me but he never came.

It was all a sick game.  He laughed when I told him what happened. “Yes baby and I enjoyed it very much.” That is what he said to me as I was wiping the blood from my legs and hoping to get a ounce of empathy from the man I love.  It never came.  At that point I became misunderstood. I wise man once told me that “There is no such thing as crazy just misunderstood” and at that point I became the most misunderstood person on the planet.

          So now in the darkness you do not see the tears roll from my eyes and you understand now why it is dark.  I do not need eyes to see Michael’s face.  I do not need my senses to know when he is near me.  I keep him close to me always. 

          You feel a breeze come from somewhere in the room but there are no windows so it couldn’t be the wind.  It was my arm moving the blade in my hand fast enough to pierce Michael’s heart.  Did I mention this was not Michael in the chair? I might have missed. Normally I wouldn’t have an audience when I am reminiscing about my lovely demons.

          So do you now understand?  Look at that I wrote exactly one thousand words. I told you I like things even.

POWER OF LYNDAL- Forest of Sanrue

       Finally after journeying so far and for so many days I have reached The Gate of Trees. My blessed sister would not steer me wrong. I almost feel contentment at such a reward but I have no time for such emotions. Though her power rivals mine and her knowledge surpasses me I know she cannot hold out long against Mandalock’s forces.  After the Sword of Loradorn was lost to me in battle she sent me here to find the Keeper of the Gate and so that I may enter into the Forest of Sanrue to find great power.

          I filled my body with all the breath I could hold and screamed “Keeper of the Gate please give me occasion!  I need your help!”

          The forest was quiet and only echoes of my voice filled the distant sounds of the forest. 

          I yelled again “Please Keeper of the Gate I have not much time!  My kingdom is in peril!”

          This time there is no echo and the forest became gravely quiet. It is as if the trees soaked in the vibrations of the air itself. I stood still and did not take a breath hoping that this mystical figure would show his true form as Geneva had told me.

          A voice from behind startled me “Well young man if you yell any louder you will wake the dead.  You have already scared away the game.”

          “I apologize old one. I did not mean to disturb the forest.  I am in search for The Keeper of the Gate to The Forest Sanrue.  Do you know of him?”

          “Keeper of the Gate you say. I have not heard that name in a long time.”

          The old one’s burden seemed heavy on his back as he moaned and put today’s catch on the ground.

          “Where is my manners, where is manners.  My name is Perrymen Reader of the Leaves. You shall join me for dinner."

          I asked the old one if he needed any assistance but he would not hear of it.  With a wave of his hand some type of magical door opened in the grand oak on the right side of the gate.  I followed him as he hurried into the mystical waves.

          “Please forgive me young one.  I do not have many visitors.  I will prepare us a meal and that will give you time to rest.  During dinner I shall answer your questions”

          A few hours had passed and from the small catch of the forest a grand feast was prepared.  I took a bite of the meat he set before me and it was tender and delicious as if the forest gave him the recipe itself.

          I took a sip of wine from my goblet and spoke “Perrymen this is a fantastic meal. I have not eaten such fine food in quite a while.  Thank you.”

          “You are quite welcome young one.  So now you say that you are looking for the keeper of this gate?  Why do you seek to venture into this forest Varion.”

          I was amazed that he knew my name.  I had not said it yet

          “Yes young one. I know your name.  You are King Varion, Lord of the Kingdom of Lyndal, wielder of the Sword of Loradon and now guest in the home of an old man.”

          I could not grasp the words to express my amazement of his powers.  He must know who the Keeper of the Gate is

          “If you know this already Perryman then you must know why I am here.”

          “You are here young one as many before you. You have come to seek the power in the Forest of Sanrue and you need someone to open the gate for you. Before you say yes young one let me ask you a question. Do you have happiness in your heart?

          I found myself gasping for air as I chocked on my wine - - such an odd question to ask at an unusual time.

          “I take you choking and not answering as a no. There is a very good reason I ask this question young one. Eat while I tell you an ancient story about the Village of Sanrue.

          “Sanrue is a word that comes from a very old dialect long dead. The word Sanrue means village in the middle of the forest.  The people of Sanrue were happy and their lives were content. The elders of Sanrue were very powerful and at a time none dared to challenge them.  With all this power the people of Sanrue believed in harmony and friendship with all things around them even between flora and fauna. There was no need to attack a place that wanted peace for everyone. I remember a verse from a song the minstrels  would sing. “Joy in one’s heart is always seen through the smile of the sun and the trees in the spring.”

          I looked at the old one’s face light up and his eyes dance to the song his heart.

          “For thousands of years Sanrue was the keeper of peace until a great darkness swept across the land. This darkness killed everything in his path and had no bounds.  Ambition knows no father and destruction saves no lives. When this darkness came to the forest the trees felt something it never known before.  It felt wickedness, hate, evil and war. It was almost as if the tree were human themselves.

          “When the destruction reached the Sanrue Village the people did not fight back. They had the power but they knew not the ways of war. Mandalock’s army took seize of the elders before they could gather their great power.

          I stood up in horror in mid sentence of him speaking “Mandalock!!  Did you say Mandalock?”

          “Yes young one. I know of your struggle against Mandalock’s army and what is at stake. Before Mandalock took control of the village the elders hid their great power and told the secret only to the trees.

Click the X

Now I am  not one to sit and wait for people to come and give me hate

I shrug it off and allow jealousy to be because the message I give is more powerful than me

I bring the message of unity and hope which gives new reason for the oppressed to cope

The gay community my family my dream also the one trying to kill my self-esteem

It seems a division is always in place and everybody's in competition like some sort of race



And nice guys finish last and cheater sometimes win
but was the victory worth your soul costing sin

And was it worth the hole you put the community in
just to try and hate on a friend

Whether or not you believe this mentality
that we are stronger a unit being a content family

It may be hard to see me as a brother
if you can't feel the energy in blood of one another

But whether you believe we are as one
is proven in the the issues passed from father to son

You hate on me and I take that hate
I push it into the atmosphere
Praying for it to obliterate

But if comes back to Earth
I will be ready
To take that hate and stir my course steady

So whatever you believe
that made you hate me
I will gladly take to set you free

More than words on a page: Danger by the roadside II

I have to wait a moment. I have to make sure that thug did not see me. No telling what he was throwing in that dumpster but whatever it is or whoever it was; is irrelevant at this point. He just seemed very angry when he stomped away. That is rage I can't afford to deal with.

Looking to my right and my left I see no one. I am crouching so low to the ground I could swear I am under the belly of the beast. I am definitely sweating like some sort of animal.

I am constantly looking back and forth, back and forth hoping that no trouble will come my way when I make my move. I am steady looking for that same Acura. The one that thug was driving when he said he was going to kill me. If I stay in this corner any longer I am going to be spotted. Now is the time to make my move.

I climbed out of my refuge and scurried low to the edge of the parking lot. I went behind the dumpster and there is apart of me that wants to look inside to see what that punk threw in the garbage but I have no time to waste.

I crouched down behind the dumpster still keeping a watchful eye in all directions for anything that comes. It will only take a short moment to catch my breath. Before I knew it, I dashed to the edge of hill and jumped down the side. The rocks slowed my slide down the slope. It will only take another moment to  pass until I make my way up the small hill to the actual tracks. Good, nobody sees me.

I climbed over the tracks to the other side of the hill which is steep as fuck. I don't know how I am going to make it down such an embankment. I have to sit and catch my breath again.

Ouch...What the hell is that

Stickers and thorns all over the hill.They cover the whole hill all the way down. How in the fuck am I going to make my way through this thorny brush with no shirt on and shorts. I found the strongest stick I could wield to help me guide my way down.  I sat low to the ground and use my huge feet to pat the thorn bushes down in front of me to make a path.

What was that...I hear voices

No time to think about it. I just got to do it and hope for the best. I took it few feet at a time. I stomped my feet to smash down the thorns and used the stick to guide my steps down. I counted the seconds as I went down the hill hoping that I am far enough into the bush that nobody sees me. Further and further into the thick thorny bush I descended. Even with all my precaution and efforts I am still getting cut over and over on my arms and legs.

There is a point where the hill is too steep. I can't make it without standing up but that means someone might see me from the parking-lot of this complex I am trying to get to. I have to chance it. I am almost to the bottom of the hill. I can jump down and lay low for a moment. I then can climb over the wall and cross the parking-lot to the street. It is getting dark so I don't think someone would put that much effort into noticing me.

I went as far as I could down.

Here I go. 1, 2, 3 Jump

I can't believe I made it with both feet planting the dismount. I fucking could have broke my leg from that height, scared as I fucking am.

Calm yourself and duck down. Stop being a damn target

I crouched low to the wall and caught my breath again. I am ready to move. All I have to do is cross this fucking parking-lot and I am home free. I peeked over the wall just to see if anyone is in vicinity. I don't see anyone so I am going for it.

I jumped over like a jack rabbit and I hurried to the middle building in the lot. I am sure I look suspect as hell with no shirt on coming from fucking nowhere like a some sort of magician. What would I say if security stops me. Hell, what the fuck will I tell police if they see me with no shirt on. How will I get back home I have no money. This is too much even for me to deal with and all the while I am sure Kent and Mark is enjoying the show.

The pain of James

A letter is far from the correct venue to express the pain and hurt to cause a relationship to discontinue

A feeling I will never truly understand because I have the support of my family to help make me a man

But to see everyday the sight of a letter to stay away is not only unrest but puts my salvation to a test

Father I beg you to reconsider I will say this for James because father you are too hateful and bitter

And James is just a boy a child you raised so that he would know love's joy




But scarred and scared the man that is devastated for being his own man

Punished by you, berated by you, scolded by you.... alone by you

What you considered through is not a passing moment
The relationship you want over
Is no path towards atonement

And a deathbed empty is better than being absent
And a father loves ready is more than transient

So if how you feel is five years real
Then make year six a year of faith appeals

Because.. if the God you speak of is so righteous
He will not allow you treat James so vicious

And I pray that new roots come from a tree
Deep in the heart of an unconditional gay family .

Jane Doe, I know

Jane Doe, I know that you are not some expendable hoe
found lying dead in the gutter
You are person once living that someone knew better

Jane Doe, I know that someone horribly took your life
and now your pain is something we must transcend

Jane Doe, I know that these sketches and pictures don't do you justice but until we find who you belong too allow us this one indulgence

Jane Doe, I know that you are not at peace,
How can you rest when the one who took your life is still amiss

Jane Doe, I know that you are sad
Mad... you can't be blamed
Right now death cannot hide your pain

Jane Doe, I know I am confused at this time
Don't know where to begin
Please give me a sign

Jane Doe, I know there is no time to waste
But your family has not said anything
You have to keep the faith

Jane Doe, I know that words are little next to much
But my heart is breaking
Something you have surely touched

So Jane Doe, know that we will do our best
To find what happened
To put your soul to rest